Shinji's World
by Shinagami
Summary: Shinji+ computer accindent = fun for all


I'm back!!! After a long- looooooooong- hiatus I'm back in the saddle. My newest fic has it all, action, romance, drama, humor....but that's my newest fic. This one just has a lot of humor and humor related items that will suit your fancy nicely if you liked my previous works. So enough clabber shmabber, on with the show!

I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion, neither do you, get over it.

Shinji's World: Version 1.5

Shinji's World! Shinji's world! Come on everybody Shinji's....world...ahem...sorry.....

Shinji slid the door to the apartment open and slumped onto the couch. Another long day at school had passed, this in itself was enough to make Shinji jump for joy, but at the end of the lesson the sensei had added an extra homework assignment. Shinji had to write a 5,000 word narrated fiction, and it had to be about his life.

"This is just great.....my life is already a fiction story." Shinji slid off the couch and went to the kitchen, hoping to find some soothing soda or something. Inside the refrigerator was little more than beer and shaving cream.

"Shaving cream?" Shinji asked, perplexed. Being Misato's refrigerator, Shinji decided it was better left to the imagination than to investigate. After all, the noodle incident was proof of that. The slamming door and a string of curse words even a sailor would cringe at brought Shinji's attention to the living room, which was now occupied by a very angry, but slowly calming, Asuka.

"Damn you!" Asuka cried as Shinji attempted to retreat to his room behind the couch that Asuka was reclining on. "Get back here you little worm. Did I say you could leave?" Asuka asked in a voice that bordered on 'If you don't obey me I'll whip out my custom Black & Decker chainsaw and cleave a nice sirloin outta your ass.' 

"Um....to do my homework?" Shinji squeaked, barely keeping his voice steady. He knew the kind of day Asuka had. It was a 'My day was so damn crappy you're lucky I didn't kill someone on the spot.' kinda day. Needless to say Shinji was in no way going to face a demon like that.

"Oh, really? Such an obedient student. Get lost." Asuka said, making her disgust perfectly clear.

Shinji nodded his thanks to whatever gods had let him survive this encounter and started toward his sanctuary of SDAT and his leather book of Rei pictures. "Where are you going so fast?" Asuka said suddenly as Shinji was reaching for his door. 

"Damn...so close...." Shinji cursed.

"What was that?" Asuka asked not taking her eyes off the wall in front of her.

Shinji thought fast. "I said 'Ham.....almost'..." He smiled weakly in the direction of Asuka.

"Right. Make me a snack. And give me the changer." Asuka commanded. "And while your at it prop my feet up and give me a nice massage." Shinji did a double take. 

"W-what?" He hoped he had heard right....of course he hadn't.

Asuka threw a pillow at him. " I said 'while you're at it prop my feet up and answer the phone massages."

Shinji drooped. After completing Asuka lengthy list of chores, Shinji finally made it to his room.

"First order of business...." He reached into a drawer and pulled out a small leather bound book with hundreds of pictures a Rei in it. Then he pulled out his SDAT and cranked up the volume all the way. The only computer in the house was in Misato's room, so with a quick peek around the corner Shinji bolted across the hall and into the major's room. He stared at the black lace underwear that hung from the monitor and sighed. //So is the life of the damned.// Shinji sat at the computer and began pondering.

"Hmmmmm....fictional story about my life. Well.... " Thoughts began to take shape in Shinji's mind and before he knew it he was halfway through his story. After re-reading much of it he came to the conclusion he was a sick bastard and he could never turn this into the teacher. He'd keep this draft for himself. He smiled as he compared the character development of 'his' Asuka to the real life Asuka. Yep. He defiantly liked his Asuka better. He also liked 'his' Rei, Misato, Dr. Akagi, the cute chick on the command bridge, Hikari....the list went on.

"There, done." He said with a few last letters he typed the title. 'Shinji's World.' He hit the save key. Error: Virus file detected The computer read. Shinji looked at the screen puzzled. "Error? What hapen-" Before Shinji could finish he was out cold.

**********

Shinji woke with a start. He seemed to be in a field of some sort, or so Shinji guessed. He sat up and looked around. 

"Hello Shinji, have a good sleep?"

Shinji jumped to his feet and fell over. Sitting on the ground next to him with a picnic basket was Rei. Or rather, Rei in skimpy swimwear.

"R-Rei?" Shinji stuttered. "What is going on?" Last thing he remembered was typing at Misato's computer, then here he was. "Why are you dressed like that?"

"I always dress like this, Shinji baby." Rei said with a naughty little smile. "If you don't like It I can take it off." She pulled the left shoulder strap down slowly.

"Shinji....baby......" Shinji repeated. That's what he made Rei call him in his story. "That means....I must be dead!" Shinji concluded. An expensive foreign car pulled up and Ritsuko stuck her head out of the window.

"Hi Shinji. I have word that you have been transplanted into your story because of some spilt beer and a power surge when you hit the 'save' button. You'll be here for a while, so you might as well enjoy it." Ritsuko nodded to Rei and drove off.

"She must be right. In my story Dr. Akagi is always right." Shinji said.

Rei stood up and hugged Shinji. "Say something Shinji baby?" Shinji recoiled for a split second before his eyes drifted to Rei's cleavage. Then he decided to stay.

"So.....how about that party tonight. Fun, huh?" Shinji asked. He knew there was going to be a party and he was going to meet his servant -Asuka- there. //Enjoy I shall....// Shinji thought as he and Rei walked off. 

********

Asuka finished off her snack and decided now was as good a time as any to get her simple homework done.

"I bet that idiot fell asleep or something. Didn't even get halfway through, I bet." She laughed. Asuka opened the door to Misato's room. "Damn, Misato. This place reeks of stale beer and guy juice." Not seeing Shinji anywhere she sat on the chair in front of the computer. "Hmmm, still warm. Then again, Shinji always had a nice toushy." She started typing, reading as she went.

"It was dark night, storm clouds had moved in from the north under a cold pressure front causing some humid thermal zones.....wait a second." Asuka deleted what she had typed. "That sounded like a weather report. Ahem. It was stormy, had been for the past few days. Unfortunately for Asuka the roads had flooded, trapping her with her travel companion and butler/pool guy, Shinji. 'Shinji, how long until we can get out of here?' Asuka asked, looking around the old manor they had stopped at when the roads had become non-navigable." Asuka smiled as she began typing the next few lines.

********

Shinji walked up to Asuka with Rei in tow. "Hey, I'll have two martinis and some crumpets." He said and waved to Toji, who was dancing with Misato. 

"Here you go, sir." Asuka said and handed him the two glasses and hugged him as soon as her hands were free. "Do you have an assignment for me later tonight sir?" She asked making a puppy dog face.

Shinji thought a bit. "Yeah. I'll tell you about it later." Shinji smiled to himself. Life was grand. He closed his eyes to savor the moment. And the martini.

"Tell me what later?" Shinji's eyes flew open. Standing in front of him in a fancy 30's suit was Asuka, looking at him beneath a black hat with a pink feather stuck in it. He was sure _this_ wasn't in his story. 

"Go draw me a bath, Shinji." She said and waved her hand in the general direction of upstairs.

Shinji looked around him confused. "What...but I.....when did.....how come....." Shinji blubbered.

Asuka looked disdainfully at Shinji. "What? Don't give me lip. I don't pay you for your brains." 

*******

"Ah......the bath scene. Guaranteed to make any guy horny. It would be pretty funny if Shinji ever read this." Asuka said and resumed typing. 

*******

Shinji drooped a bit and went upstairs to make Asuka's bath. Now more confused than ever. One second he'd been in a perfect paradise, the next he was Asuka's servant again. "This sucks." He told the black cat perched on the banister. He filled the bathtub full with warm water and lit some candles and set them around the edge. After that he added some scented little soap-sand stuff he found. He had no idea just why he was doing all this, but it seemed like the right thing to do. Then he figured it out. God hated him. He was the butler in a old romance movie...... "No, not movie....story. Asuka's story!" Shinji yelled. He brightened slightly when he figured this would be a good time to study the true Asuka. What a bad idea that turned out to be.

"Asuka! You're bath is ready!" Shinji called downstairs. He heard no immediate respond so he walked to the balcony and called again. "Hey, I said your bath is ready!" He shrugged and turned around. As soon as he did he came face to face with Asuka. Asuka in a very see-through bath robe.

"Come on, Shinji.....why don't you join me?" Asuka said seductively. She traced her hand across Shinji's chest. 

********

"Heh heh.......I wonder how Shinji would act in this situation." Asuka leaned back in the chair and thought. 

********

"I-...I'm a spineless coward!" Shinji yelled suddenly. "Huh? No I'm not...what the hell is-"

Asuka frowned and slapped him. "You are _not_ a spineless coward! Remember when you saved me from those mafia guys when they tried to throw me into a live volcano?"

"Y-you're right.....I love you!" Shinji's arms suddenly flung out and wrapped themselves around Asuka.

"And I love you!" She shouted merrily.

Shinji screamed. After that he screamed a bit more. "What the hell going on?" He backed away. //I can't control myself......Asuka is making me do some weird crap...// 

"Shinji......you don't love me?" Asuka said with tear filled eyes. Shinji threw his hands into the air.

"I've have no idea what is going on?! Why can I talk on my own now, but then I'm forced to say something else! I want my story back!" He closed his eyes and hopped it was all a dream. When he opened his eyes again all he saw where pink forms standing above him, apparently shouting at him.

"Shinji! Are you okay?"

"Shinji baby! Wake up!"

"I hope Shinji-kun is okay."

Shinji's vision cleared and he sat up. After a brief look around he came to the conclusion he was in a bathing area.....and those where...

"Rei, Asuka and Misato?" A very naked Rei, Asuka and Misato.

Rei draped herself over Shinji. "Well baby, how about we finish what we started...." Shinji thought this was a great idea until he couldn't remember just what he started.

"Um....Mr. Ikari....I suggest a foursome, it would be best suited for this situation." Asuka said moving in between Shinji and Misato.

"I beg to differ. As his commanding officer I will be the one to please him tonight." Misato shoved to two girls away and cuddled with Shinji.....or rather, Shinji with a nosebleed.

"Wow...." Was all he managed to mutter before a giant suitcase bashed him on the nose.

"You! Servant baka! When I said make my bath I didn't say to invite a bunch of two-cent whores along!" Shinji removed his hand from his face. His nose was still bleeding, but for a different reason. "Asuka?" Sure enough, there was that crazy 30's Asuka with the pink feather, rearing the suitcase back again for another blow.

"Hold on, Mr. Ikari is very busy, do you have an appointment?" 

Shinji looked at his servant Asuka and back at the 'I'm-gonna-kill-you' Asuka. //Life of the dammed...//

"You hit Shinji-kun!" Misato said in disbelief. "That's against the law!" She drew her gun from _somewhere_ and opened fire on Asuka, who hid behind the suitcase until Misato was out of bullets.

"Damn gun....need more ammo....and beer...I'll be _right _back."

Shinji watched the spectacle from the edge of the big tub. In his hands were two things. First was Misato's gun he'd snagged when she leaned over to give him a good-bye hug, and second was a ham sandwich. And it was good too. 

"I don't CARE if 'Mr.' Ikari is busy, he's my butler/pool guy!" 30's Asuka screamed at Servant Asuka.

"Well, you'll have to sigh up for the 'fantasy role playing hour' with Mr. Ikari."

30's Asuka picked up Servant Asuka and chucked her across the pool.

**********

Asuka walked back into Misato's room after her break and looked at the computer screen. About three more pages of stuff had been typed since the last time she was there. //Damn PenPen.// She read over the pages and turned away, disgusted. "What kind of hentai is that bird?" She hit Ctrl A and selected everything in the story. "Might as well start over now." She hit delete.

***********

Shinji ducked slightly to the left as another bullet went by. Misato had returned with more ammo and retrieved her gun from Shinji. Shinji was in the process of dodging a large chunk of tile when Rei scooted up to him. 

"Hey Shinji baby, how about a quickie while they're fighting?" Shinji accidentally leaned too far and fell out the side of the tub. As he watched the sky Shinji saw some despicable dark clouds forming and moving directly over the tub. 

"Uh, oh...." A giant tornado swept down and flung everyone into the middle of the twister. A shiny foreign car whizzed by and Shinji grabbed a hold of the door. 

"Dr. Akagi! What's going on?" Shinji banged on the tinted glass window, which in returned rolled down. 

"Hello Shinji, the Asuka in the real world deleted this story, so we're all going to either die or dissipate into nothingness."

"What's the difference?" Shinji asked as Rei floated past him and grabbed greedily onto his waist.

Ritsuko thought a bit. "If you die here you get transferred back to where you came from. You'll probably go back to the real world and all of us will end up as words on a computer screen."

"Oh." Shinji said. "Thanks." He was about to shoo Rei away when a cow knocked him unconscious.

*************

Asuka watched in wonderment as the computer screen glowed bright yellow. //This is new....// She thought before a blinding explosion threw her to the ground. When she opened her eyes again she saw the floor. She decided to roll over and get her bearings. 

"What?!" On top of her was a naked Shinji, covered in LCL. "Mien Gott in Himmel!" She pushed the unconscious boy off her and stood up. "Geeze.....what in the hell was THAT about?" She looked at the pathetic looking Shinji. "Fine, fine.....better get you outta here." Asuka lugged Shinji into his room and put the covers over him.

Shinji himself was just waking up. "Wha-? Unfamiliar ceiling- no wait, I know this one." He sat up and noticed his unclothlyness. "How did THAT happen.....Asuka?" Asuka was sitting on the corner of his bed, looking away from him to hide the ripe tomato color her face was sporting. Shinji jumped out of his bed and ran down the hall.

"Its true! Its true! Its TRUE!!!!!" Asuka heard the door open and then slam shut and the words 'its true' becoming ever more faint.

Asuka walked into the kitchen were Misato was sitting.

"Shinji find PenPen in the tub again?" She asked.

Asuka blushed some more. "Something like that."

End

Author's complete and utter ramblings.

Hoohaw! Man....typing this took about a month, that's the longest I've ever taken to write something. Sorry about that. Anyways, make use of the ubiquitous review box and drop me a line. I like to know what you all think of the crap I slap together. Sayonara for now! 


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